Making hot sauce is pretty much a Choose Your Own Adventure, but specifically one written for third graders because it's so easy. It's so easy. It's so damn easy why are you not doing it right now? I don't even think "making hot sauce" should even be a thing, it's about as simple as breathing or incorrectly cracking an egg. 

In keeping with my cooking nihilism, recipes are the devil's work, so we're going to talk you through a general...

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